Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
CARPE DIEM.
I find myself clinging to Carpe Diem today to help me confront an issue that maybe we all are a little guilty of when our hearts get to aching.(Which you will come to realize is ironic.) Why is it that when things do not go our way, and we just can't seem to find a way to express it, we look for song lyrics, or short quotes, or some way to display our feelings in small pieces on social media sites? We act like we're being sly...or some of us are so obvious it's almost entertaining. Why the heck do we put ourselves through this though? And then we get so mad when the people we want to notice still have no idea what's going on with us. It's like we post secrets that we desperately wish our loved ones will work to decode.
I know why we do it. MEMORIES. We cling on to the idea "what ifs?" We beat ourselves up about it until it leaks out in funny ways for all to see. Don't let things from your past interfere with the here and now...hold onto it like that last tight hug at the moment being... because when you cast it away, it's gone for good. No matter how many "what if's?" you summon up in your head... not one of them will ever get a chance. Live in the NOW.. and love every minute of it. Don't play games with yourself, you're wasting time, and it's a beautiful day!
I've spent years writing "in code" on this blog, and hoping that the people I'm writing to will come across my posts. It was so much easier than dealing with them face to face. But I'm making this change, and I'm living in the moment. CARPE DIEM.
I know why we do it. MEMORIES. We cling on to the idea "what ifs?" We beat ourselves up about it until it leaks out in funny ways for all to see. Don't let things from your past interfere with the here and now...hold onto it like that last tight hug at the moment being... because when you cast it away, it's gone for good. No matter how many "what if's?" you summon up in your head... not one of them will ever get a chance. Live in the NOW.. and love every minute of it. Don't play games with yourself, you're wasting time, and it's a beautiful day!
I've spent years writing "in code" on this blog, and hoping that the people I'm writing to will come across my posts. It was so much easier than dealing with them face to face. But I'm making this change, and I'm living in the moment. CARPE DIEM.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I make someone feel extraordinary.
Lately I feel as though my appreciation, my trust, my affection for Justin has been tripling by the day. We've been put through a lot, not only throughout the course of our relationship thus far, but specifically these past couple of weeks; and watching the courage that he has faced each obstacle with and the security he has done his best to ensure for me has been amazing.
I think I wrote a couple of weeks ago mentioning that I was in a lot of pain and constantly hunched over, hardly able to walk. I had to quit working, and eventually even getting dressed and out of the house became too much of a hassle for me. When that happened, Justin began dropping by my house to visit and check up on me. Just last Tuesday he made his way over after a long day of work to see me and to spend the night with me. We laid in bed and talked for a couple of hours before the poor thing could hardly keep his eyes open any longer.
We woke the next morning, ate a quick breakfast, and took showers. Justin had a few errands to run over at Edison State College and then we were heading to his cousin's apartment to help them move out. It was as I was slipping on my shoes that I got a phone call from my Dad who told me that I had 20 minutes to pack a bag and to be ready to leave the house... I was being rushed into emergency surgery and he was on his way to get me.
I hardly had time to hang up the phone before I burst into tears. An equally as terrified Justin took me into his arms and tried to catch the full story in between my gasps for air. Although it was his only day off from work and he could have just as easily decided he didn't want to waste it sitting around any hospital, Justin never left my side. He held me as I cried on my living room couch. He held my hand as doctors examined me and nurses poked me for blood and IV's. He was there to kiss my forehead as I was wheeled into the Operating Room. And he tucked me into bed at night in that cold, dark hospital room with the warm promise of his return in the morning.
...And he stood true to his word. For the next three days, J was at that hospital every morning as soon as I awoke and stayed until he had to be at work. There is NOTHING that I can even say to reveal how much that spoke to me. I have always known that he would give away everything if it meant making me happy, but during those couple days I saw the size of a man's heart. I saw his true character. I saw an unmasked, scared-to-death man willing to do anything to set things right, and to take his girl back home with him unharmed. I saw a grown man cry.
I don't know if really anyone knows how to percieve tears, either. Let them cry it out? Rush to them with a hug? Offer advice? ...I personally think girls are just as clueless as to why guys cry and what to do about it as guys are uncertain about girls' tears. I don't fully understand what was going through Justin's head as I was rushed to that hospital. I don't know whether he realized immediately how dangerous such a surgery was (with the diagnosis doctors first assumed). I don't know whether it registered to him at that moment, a time of emergency, how important to him I was. Or I don't know if he just didn't like to see me cry... but hearing him admit to breaking down tore me to pieces.
It had taken until that moment for me to fully register that I mean everything to someone.
All of your life you're taught to be yourself... to live for the things that make you happy and never worry about anyone else. You never really stop to consider that as you're out there doing your own thing, there could be someone that has always been there, following you just to admire your radiance.
One day they approach you. The next day you're in love. And from there on out, you spend all of your time focusing on what they do to make you happy. And no matter how many times they tell you how much you mean to them, it never fully registers because you can only think of how happy being there with them is making you. You brag to your friends about them. You spend hours upon days upon weeks daydreaming about them.
You give them everything you have to offer.... and then you wonder why they don't feel as though they deserve it. They're caught up in the same mess you don't even know you're in.
And then one day, something happens. Maybe you have a medical emergency (such as it was with my situation). Maybe you move away, and they do everything within their power to bring you back home. Maybe they propose. Maybe you watch two elderly lovers and decide that your own love is strong enough to withstand a lifetime together. Maybe you wake up in the night and you finally understand....
YOU MAKE SOMEONE FEEL
Just as extraordinary as they make you feel. And this sudden realization....
causes you to fall even deeper in love. ♥
I think I wrote a couple of weeks ago mentioning that I was in a lot of pain and constantly hunched over, hardly able to walk. I had to quit working, and eventually even getting dressed and out of the house became too much of a hassle for me. When that happened, Justin began dropping by my house to visit and check up on me. Just last Tuesday he made his way over after a long day of work to see me and to spend the night with me. We laid in bed and talked for a couple of hours before the poor thing could hardly keep his eyes open any longer.
We woke the next morning, ate a quick breakfast, and took showers. Justin had a few errands to run over at Edison State College and then we were heading to his cousin's apartment to help them move out. It was as I was slipping on my shoes that I got a phone call from my Dad who told me that I had 20 minutes to pack a bag and to be ready to leave the house... I was being rushed into emergency surgery and he was on his way to get me.
I hardly had time to hang up the phone before I burst into tears. An equally as terrified Justin took me into his arms and tried to catch the full story in between my gasps for air. Although it was his only day off from work and he could have just as easily decided he didn't want to waste it sitting around any hospital, Justin never left my side. He held me as I cried on my living room couch. He held my hand as doctors examined me and nurses poked me for blood and IV's. He was there to kiss my forehead as I was wheeled into the Operating Room. And he tucked me into bed at night in that cold, dark hospital room with the warm promise of his return in the morning.
...And he stood true to his word. For the next three days, J was at that hospital every morning as soon as I awoke and stayed until he had to be at work. There is NOTHING that I can even say to reveal how much that spoke to me. I have always known that he would give away everything if it meant making me happy, but during those couple days I saw the size of a man's heart. I saw his true character. I saw an unmasked, scared-to-death man willing to do anything to set things right, and to take his girl back home with him unharmed. I saw a grown man cry.
I don't know if really anyone knows how to percieve tears, either. Let them cry it out? Rush to them with a hug? Offer advice? ...I personally think girls are just as clueless as to why guys cry and what to do about it as guys are uncertain about girls' tears. I don't fully understand what was going through Justin's head as I was rushed to that hospital. I don't know whether he realized immediately how dangerous such a surgery was (with the diagnosis doctors first assumed). I don't know whether it registered to him at that moment, a time of emergency, how important to him I was. Or I don't know if he just didn't like to see me cry... but hearing him admit to breaking down tore me to pieces.
It had taken until that moment for me to fully register that I mean everything to someone.
All of your life you're taught to be yourself... to live for the things that make you happy and never worry about anyone else. You never really stop to consider that as you're out there doing your own thing, there could be someone that has always been there, following you just to admire your radiance.
One day they approach you. The next day you're in love. And from there on out, you spend all of your time focusing on what they do to make you happy. And no matter how many times they tell you how much you mean to them, it never fully registers because you can only think of how happy being there with them is making you. You brag to your friends about them. You spend hours upon days upon weeks daydreaming about them.
You give them everything you have to offer.... and then you wonder why they don't feel as though they deserve it. They're caught up in the same mess you don't even know you're in.
And then one day, something happens. Maybe you have a medical emergency (such as it was with my situation). Maybe you move away, and they do everything within their power to bring you back home. Maybe they propose. Maybe you watch two elderly lovers and decide that your own love is strong enough to withstand a lifetime together. Maybe you wake up in the night and you finally understand....
YOU MAKE SOMEONE FEEL
EXTRAORDINARY!
Just as extraordinary as they make you feel. And this sudden realization....
causes you to fall even deeper in love. ♥
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Flying high!...with occasional turbulence.
I sat down before my computer tonight with the sole intention of explaining just how much I have had on my mind. I had thought about what I'd write all night long, rehearsing the lines aloud while showering, or jotting down lists of things I wanted to be sure I mentioned. However, as I sat down and began my update, I realized that it was the same post I had been revising and re-posting for months now. Nothing has changed...I'm STILL completely consumed by staying out of debt, working, seeking an internship, doing well in school, applying for scholarships, becoming successful, and still finding time to sleep at night.
In the midst of all this running around it's been easy to forget to focus on my passion. I have not had any chance to embrace life's most simple treasures.
I haven't laid out in the grass and looked up at the clouds, wondering what it might be like to jump across the tops of them. I haven't imagined letting balloons take me soaring into the sky, either.
...Perhaps this is exactly what a man in Oregon felt like three years ago when he settled into his lawn chair with a bag of Doritos....and a parachute. Attached to his lawnchair were somewhere around 105 large, helium balloons that carried him through the sky, 193 miles from his home. He described the flight as mostly peaceful and serene, with occasional turbulence, like the most perfect escape from reality.
Someday when I'm gone I hope that someone, somewhere will regard me as as much of an inspiration as I regard ole' Oregon. I do not want to be remembered as an uptight individual who rarely ventured from her 'To Do' lists. I do not want people to recall that I kept to myself and became obsessed with work. Instead, I want for someone to say "Oh, yeah, Nicole? She was great. She loved to laugh... and she loved to make people laugh. She took risks....She followed her dreams."
Tonight, I am making a promise to be true to myself. I will no longer allow my obligations to interfere with my ability to dream. This is who I am.
In the midst of all this running around it's been easy to forget to focus on my passion. I have not had any chance to embrace life's most simple treasures.
I haven't laid out in the grass and looked up at the clouds, wondering what it might be like to jump across the tops of them. I haven't imagined letting balloons take me soaring into the sky, either.
...Perhaps this is exactly what a man in Oregon felt like three years ago when he settled into his lawn chair with a bag of Doritos....and a parachute. Attached to his lawnchair were somewhere around 105 large, helium balloons that carried him through the sky, 193 miles from his home. He described the flight as mostly peaceful and serene, with occasional turbulence, like the most perfect escape from reality.
Someday when I'm gone I hope that someone, somewhere will regard me as as much of an inspiration as I regard ole' Oregon. I do not want to be remembered as an uptight individual who rarely ventured from her 'To Do' lists. I do not want people to recall that I kept to myself and became obsessed with work. Instead, I want for someone to say "Oh, yeah, Nicole? She was great. She loved to laugh... and she loved to make people laugh. She took risks....She followed her dreams."
Tonight, I am making a promise to be true to myself. I will no longer allow my obligations to interfere with my ability to dream. This is who I am.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
With nothing to do all day, I decided to waste some time looking through the oldest posts of "Chill," a blog that I greatly miss catching up from.
Sunday, August 24, 2008:
"praise god!!!
i just came up with the best idea today.
this is going to be epic and she is going to love it."
Monday, August 25, 2008:
"one day im going to sing this song to her..."
Saturday, August 30, 2008:
"these last couple of days have been flat out awesome. last night was one night ill never forget because of this...
- football is back!!! thank god.
- seeing old friends at the football games
- shawn working on some kick ass chords to one of my songs.
- country night over at stevie tomatoes
- meeting new peeps
- movie over at nikki's
- staying the night with her =]
i want to relive that day. "
Monday, September 1, 2008:
"have you ever meet someone that rocked your world!? i mean the more i get to know this person the more im blessed to meet someone who is so original and genuine. i want to know this person more, dig into there deep thoughts and figure out more about their likes and dislikes. its strange too... i mean its a awesome feeling. idk what im saying lol. i hope this works out for the best cause i like this feeling and would not trade it for all the cash in the world.
in about 3 months i want to know where ill be with her... i guess there is only one way to find out and i intend to sit back to enjoy the ride that is life =] "
I had a lot of time yesterday to think about the way that my relationship with Justin is going. When we're together, I become so care-free and everything is about that single moment there with him. I don't so I took a step back and I looked at the big picture.
Sunday, August 24, 2008:
"praise god!!!
i just came up with the best idea today.
this is going to be epic and she is going to love it."
Monday, August 25, 2008:
"one day im going to sing this song to her..."
Saturday, August 30, 2008:
"these last couple of days have been flat out awesome. last night was one night ill never forget because of this...
- football is back!!! thank god.
- seeing old friends at the football games
- shawn working on some kick ass chords to one of my songs.
- country night over at stevie tomatoes
- meeting new peeps
- movie over at nikki's
- staying the night with her =]
i want to relive that day. "
Monday, September 1, 2008:
"have you ever meet someone that rocked your world!? i mean the more i get to know this person the more im blessed to meet someone who is so original and genuine. i want to know this person more, dig into there deep thoughts and figure out more about their likes and dislikes. its strange too... i mean its a awesome feeling. idk what im saying lol. i hope this works out for the best cause i like this feeling and would not trade it for all the cash in the world.
in about 3 months i want to know where ill be with her... i guess there is only one way to find out and i intend to sit back to enjoy the ride that is life =] "
I had a lot of time yesterday to think about the way that my relationship with Justin is going. When we're together, I become so care-free and everything is about that single moment there with him. I don't so I took a step back and I looked at the big picture.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Thank You Mom and Dad
Mom and Dad,
I feel like my eighteenth birthday should be celebrated more as an accomplishment of yours' than of mine. I would like to thank you for everything you've given me throughout my childhood, and for preparing me to meet this day, the day that I step out into adulthood, in the best way that you knew how. You have told me time and time again, always jokingly, of course, that I was your "guinea pig." You had to experiment on me so that you'd know what to do once Jeffrey's turn came along. But as it turned out, you always knew just what to do, or just what to say. Or maybe you didn't. Maybe that was the beauty of it all along... you just sort of winged it, and it all turned out to be this good. Either way, you were able to relate to me both as parents, and as friends, and I have so much respect for the two of you because of that. It's a task that so many parents attempt to tackle, and so few actually accomplish.
Because we have always shared this close relationship, I don't think that I have been as quick to brush off your advice as any child or teenager usually would. You have taught me so much about finding faith in God, being appreciative, loving whole-heartedly, looking beyond face value, and always putting forth my all. But you have also taught me to take others' advice for what it was worth, and I think that's where you differ from other parents. You valued my opinion, and gave me that chance to learn on my own. Your lessons gave me a sort of framework to build my morals upon, and it was up to me to use what I had learned to continue my growth. I believe that it's made me a stronger, more independent woman.
You each have also gone out of your way to give me not only everything that I have ever needed, but also everything that I have ever wanted, and everything that you have ever thought I might want. I don't think that I have ever deserved it. Surely no one person could ever deserve so much. And I don't know that I have even ever said thank you. In fact, have I ever really looked you both in the eyes and told you how much I love you or how much I appreciate you? I realize that we've never been an especially sentimental family, but maybe it's something we ought to make a little more time for now and then. Time seems to be slipping us by so quickly... did it really seem like 18 years? ... and the last thing I want is to wish one day that I would have told you more often how much you meant to me.
I love you both so much. Thank you for everything. It has meant the world to me.
-Nicole
I feel like my eighteenth birthday should be celebrated more as an accomplishment of yours' than of mine. I would like to thank you for everything you've given me throughout my childhood, and for preparing me to meet this day, the day that I step out into adulthood, in the best way that you knew how. You have told me time and time again, always jokingly, of course, that I was your "guinea pig." You had to experiment on me so that you'd know what to do once Jeffrey's turn came along. But as it turned out, you always knew just what to do, or just what to say. Or maybe you didn't. Maybe that was the beauty of it all along... you just sort of winged it, and it all turned out to be this good. Either way, you were able to relate to me both as parents, and as friends, and I have so much respect for the two of you because of that. It's a task that so many parents attempt to tackle, and so few actually accomplish.
Because we have always shared this close relationship, I don't think that I have been as quick to brush off your advice as any child or teenager usually would. You have taught me so much about finding faith in God, being appreciative, loving whole-heartedly, looking beyond face value, and always putting forth my all. But you have also taught me to take others' advice for what it was worth, and I think that's where you differ from other parents. You valued my opinion, and gave me that chance to learn on my own. Your lessons gave me a sort of framework to build my morals upon, and it was up to me to use what I had learned to continue my growth. I believe that it's made me a stronger, more independent woman.
You each have also gone out of your way to give me not only everything that I have ever needed, but also everything that I have ever wanted, and everything that you have ever thought I might want. I don't think that I have ever deserved it. Surely no one person could ever deserve so much. And I don't know that I have even ever said thank you. In fact, have I ever really looked you both in the eyes and told you how much I love you or how much I appreciate you? I realize that we've never been an especially sentimental family, but maybe it's something we ought to make a little more time for now and then. Time seems to be slipping us by so quickly... did it really seem like 18 years? ... and the last thing I want is to wish one day that I would have told you more often how much you meant to me.
I love you both so much. Thank you for everything. It has meant the world to me.
-Nicole
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Rachael Clements, you crack me up.
"I love they way they riiiiiiideeeee it." -R
"Uhm, Ray, it's 'They love the way I ride it. Does she have a penis now or something?" -N
"No, but... oh shit, wait." -R (At the exact moment that she said "but" we both turned our heads and looked at each other about to say the same thing, then ended up cracking up.)
I don't believe every rumor I hear, but that was just funny. Sorry, Ciara.
"Uhm, Ray, it's 'They love the way I ride it. Does she have a penis now or something?" -N
"No, but... oh shit, wait." -R (At the exact moment that she said "but" we both turned our heads and looked at each other about to say the same thing, then ended up cracking up.)
I don't believe every rumor I hear, but that was just funny. Sorry, Ciara.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
When the last beat comes.
How is it possible to lay here and have all 130 pounds of me feel almost three times as heavy? Each heart beat is a little louder than I remember the last having been and I count them while wondering about the day that they will eventually run out. What will I be feeling? What will I have done in my life up until that point? Will I feel complete? Will I have even prayed that day?
A lot of different people tell me that they know more about me by reading this blog than they do by talking to me in person. And while I may tell them that they ought to listen more, I also have to admit that it does seem easier to tell my story through writing. There's something about coming home at the end of the day and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME. It seems that it's these late night entries that help me to put my life back together, or to figure out what's next.
It's my biggest hope that one day, many, many years from now I will be lying in bed, reflecting on my many blessings and again counting my heartbeats when that last one arrives. By then maybe I will have done this so many times that I'll have everything figured out, and each of my questions answered.
A lot of different people tell me that they know more about me by reading this blog than they do by talking to me in person. And while I may tell them that they ought to listen more, I also have to admit that it does seem easier to tell my story through writing. There's something about coming home at the end of the day and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME. It seems that it's these late night entries that help me to put my life back together, or to figure out what's next.
It's my biggest hope that one day, many, many years from now I will be lying in bed, reflecting on my many blessings and again counting my heartbeats when that last one arrives. By then maybe I will have done this so many times that I'll have everything figured out, and each of my questions answered.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
J told me once that "I feel as though you love me more than I love you" and those words have stuck with me. Although I know what he had meant, they echo a sort of worry throughout me anyways. Justin doesn't feel as though he's able to give me as much as I've given him, even when specifically talking about feelings, thoughts, or gestures rather than material objects. I have always thought him incredibly sweet with all of the surprises or cute good morning text messages he brings about. Not once have I ever complained that he hasn't done enough... and I'm still not complaining. But if Justin feels as though he's not doing enough, the one person who knows just how much he, himself is capable of... why wouldn't he do something to change that? Why wouldn't he do more to put himself on "a higher tier ofselflessness" or whatever he had called it earlier?!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Best Commercial Ever.
Every girl can relate to this. The screaming cat part is my all time favorite... I thought this video was going to take on "the true story of a period" for a minute.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Kick back and get high, on the livin' part of life.
Tomorrow I'm takin me fishin, hang a sign on the door of my life. Tell the whole world that I've gone missin, & I won't be back for a while. I'm so tired of only wishin' I could leave my troubles behind. I wanna be front porch rockin' with a big sun droppin' in a blue sky. Kick back and get high, on the livin' part of life.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Gone.
Labels mean nothing in life. In trying to find so much appeal, you lose it all. Be yourself, and cherish the things that make you beautiful.... your personal traits, not your possessions.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Listin' it up while I unwind from my day.
1. Mom and Jeff are trying to count back the days and decide when he last had a shower. He smells when you walk past him... Why are little brothers so gross?
2. 10 pm and I'm just getting my appetite back. My stomach has been in knots all day with school, work, friends, and playing catch up. It was a long, long day, and besides blowing dandelions with the first graders earlier, I'm glad it is over.
3. My favorite CD readers: I wanted to say more to you both than this. But give me some time... I'm so exhausted today.
I really did enjoy your outlooks on life though. I can relate to each in a way! More about that later.
4. Heard a really good story today! A lady that Kori knew suddenly experienced a very strong urge to park her car at the nearest gas station, go inside and do a headstand before the Coke machine. Thinking that she must be going crazy, she ignored it for as long as she could. Finally she turned her car around and headed straight back for the gas station. She ran inside and gave it her best attempt to find a man standing above her. He was in disbelief and told her that just an hour or so ago he had been in the back room with a gun and really contemplating suicide. He prayed to God and told Him that if He was real, and if He really thought He could help him out with his life, that he send somebody inside the gas station to do a headstand before the coke machine. There is a God. No doubt about that. I think I also like this story because it goes back to that post about Friday night and staying on top of urges. If your gut is telling you that you have to do something, DO IT!
5. If you find yourself with some spare time around 10 am tomorrow, say a quick prayer for Justin. He's taking his placement tests over at Edison... the first time he's really been placed before a test in 3 years. I'm so excited for him, and I'm so proud of him. He's really taking initiative in his life and making strides towards what he's always dreamed of.
6. Then, if you find yourself with even more free time, say another prayer for me and this math course. It's kickin' my butt!
7. I forgot how much I love white grape juice. Mmmmm!
8. Better get goin' though.
9. Economics homework, tons of math homework, and some studying to be done.
10. Sleep tight my favorites!
2. 10 pm and I'm just getting my appetite back. My stomach has been in knots all day with school, work, friends, and playing catch up. It was a long, long day, and besides blowing dandelions with the first graders earlier, I'm glad it is over.
3. My favorite CD readers: I wanted to say more to you both than this. But give me some time... I'm so exhausted today.
I really did enjoy your outlooks on life though. I can relate to each in a way! More about that later.
4. Heard a really good story today! A lady that Kori knew suddenly experienced a very strong urge to park her car at the nearest gas station, go inside and do a headstand before the Coke machine. Thinking that she must be going crazy, she ignored it for as long as she could. Finally she turned her car around and headed straight back for the gas station. She ran inside and gave it her best attempt to find a man standing above her. He was in disbelief and told her that just an hour or so ago he had been in the back room with a gun and really contemplating suicide. He prayed to God and told Him that if He was real, and if He really thought He could help him out with his life, that he send somebody inside the gas station to do a headstand before the coke machine. There is a God. No doubt about that. I think I also like this story because it goes back to that post about Friday night and staying on top of urges. If your gut is telling you that you have to do something, DO IT!
5. If you find yourself with some spare time around 10 am tomorrow, say a quick prayer for Justin. He's taking his placement tests over at Edison... the first time he's really been placed before a test in 3 years. I'm so excited for him, and I'm so proud of him. He's really taking initiative in his life and making strides towards what he's always dreamed of.
6. Then, if you find yourself with even more free time, say another prayer for me and this math course. It's kickin' my butt!
7. I forgot how much I love white grape juice. Mmmmm!
8. Better get goin' though.
9. Economics homework, tons of math homework, and some studying to be done.
10. Sleep tight my favorites!
Monday, March 15, 2010
I absolutely love Kellie Pickler.
...especially her ACCENT!
She kind of reminds me of myself with as giggly as she is, haha. Anyways, I always watch out for new interviews with her. Each one of them is sweet, genuine, and hilarious. This one must be my new favorite though.
She kind of reminds me of myself with as giggly as she is, haha. Anyways, I always watch out for new interviews with her. Each one of them is sweet, genuine, and hilarious. This one must be my new favorite though.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Crazy Friday!
Friday: Any night out with me ends up in a trip to the ER... and not even as a result of something FUN! A pretty nasty spider bite caught my attention when I got home from work and I showed my mom. We could actually see the red line of venom traveling from the bite to a major vein running the length of my forearm. That really freaked her out, and we were in the car in under 10 minutes on our way to the fire station my cousin was working at that night. (She's a paramedic and Mom sought her opinion.) When we got to the station and realized my cousin was out on a call, Mom and I were left pacing the parking lot and wondering whether or not we should knock and ask any of the paramedics that had stayed behind.
Finally she did, and two guys in COLLIER EMS t-shirts invited us into their station. The place was a mess. They were watching America's Most Wanted, eating everything in sight, and having the best time. My mom tried to explain the situation to them but they acted as if they didn't even really care. We sat down in their living room with them and tried googling what was wrong with my arm, hah! They told me they believed I was going through a transformation to SpiderWoman and that I should just go with it. Might have worked for me. "Snacks" told me a story about his partner's walkie talkie falling out of his pocket and smacking a dead man's head on the side of the road. He said he knew he had been dead for at least half an hour, but still felt he needed to express a "Sorry, dude!" "Rascal Flatts" called the least busy hospital and told the chief nurse that I was his cousin and needed to be taken in immediately and given the best service, so we headed that way.
Being there was absolutely ridiculous. I haven't been in a hospital for nearly two years, since all of that crap happened to me before, and I had actually forgotten how scary they are. Luckily the doctors were able to treat the infection with only a prescription cream and I was on my way home. This is where it gets weird though.
As we were leaving an old man was staring at me from his bed. It didn't look like he was wearing any clothes at all. His toes were maybe three or four times the size they should have been and were tangled. They were twisted, and all of them were overlapping. I smiled at him as I passed by, making my way for the door, and he said so softly..."Help Me." Mom and I stopped for a moment to be sure we had heard him right, and when he said it again we walked towards the nurses station to let them know he was asking for help. At this point, he was screaming "HELP ME! HELP ME!" and I was more than a little creeped out. There was nobody with him in the room. He was all alone, and probably scared to death. It didn't dawn on Mom and I until today that he was probably the real reason for our trip to the ER that night. Obviously everything with me was okay, but we ended up at the ER for a reason. I believe that God put that man in our path as a test... to see if we would pray over him. We failed, miserably, as I ran for the door when he started yelling. Mom tried to comfort him by telling him that everything would be okay and somebody was on their way, but only from the door frame. The nurses never seemed in a big rush to get to him, and it leaves me with the feeling that maybe it was because they couldn't hear him like we could. Maybe he was purposely there for US. Either way, Mom feels terrible about the whole situation. We're not missing any opportunites anymore to help somebody in need.... no matter how disgusting their toes are.
Finally she did, and two guys in COLLIER EMS t-shirts invited us into their station. The place was a mess. They were watching America's Most Wanted, eating everything in sight, and having the best time. My mom tried to explain the situation to them but they acted as if they didn't even really care. We sat down in their living room with them and tried googling what was wrong with my arm, hah! They told me they believed I was going through a transformation to SpiderWoman and that I should just go with it. Might have worked for me. "Snacks" told me a story about his partner's walkie talkie falling out of his pocket and smacking a dead man's head on the side of the road. He said he knew he had been dead for at least half an hour, but still felt he needed to express a "Sorry, dude!" "Rascal Flatts" called the least busy hospital and told the chief nurse that I was his cousin and needed to be taken in immediately and given the best service, so we headed that way.
Being there was absolutely ridiculous. I haven't been in a hospital for nearly two years, since all of that crap happened to me before, and I had actually forgotten how scary they are. Luckily the doctors were able to treat the infection with only a prescription cream and I was on my way home. This is where it gets weird though.
As we were leaving an old man was staring at me from his bed. It didn't look like he was wearing any clothes at all. His toes were maybe three or four times the size they should have been and were tangled. They were twisted, and all of them were overlapping. I smiled at him as I passed by, making my way for the door, and he said so softly..."Help Me." Mom and I stopped for a moment to be sure we had heard him right, and when he said it again we walked towards the nurses station to let them know he was asking for help. At this point, he was screaming "HELP ME! HELP ME!" and I was more than a little creeped out. There was nobody with him in the room. He was all alone, and probably scared to death. It didn't dawn on Mom and I until today that he was probably the real reason for our trip to the ER that night. Obviously everything with me was okay, but we ended up at the ER for a reason. I believe that God put that man in our path as a test... to see if we would pray over him. We failed, miserably, as I ran for the door when he started yelling. Mom tried to comfort him by telling him that everything would be okay and somebody was on their way, but only from the door frame. The nurses never seemed in a big rush to get to him, and it leaves me with the feeling that maybe it was because they couldn't hear him like we could. Maybe he was purposely there for US. Either way, Mom feels terrible about the whole situation. We're not missing any opportunites anymore to help somebody in need.... no matter how disgusting their toes are.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sweet Dreams.
They say thoughts (inner thoughts) are most accessible right before bed, or immediately upon waking. I waited here beside my blog as I grew tired, hoping for some explanation for the way I've been feeling, or some inspiration to write about what comes next, what I've seen, or even what I did today. I've grown SO tired though that I can't even begin to write. Figures, huh?
Goodnight, friends. Sweet dreams.
Goodnight, friends. Sweet dreams.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
To my first real fan, Kelly:
"I also agree that sometimes the strongest thing to do is to stay, or to make your dreams work with whatever situation or town you are in. That is the mark of a truly resilient, brave, creative person. I really don't think running away to another city/state changes things as much as people expect. You're going to do so well in life- don't ever let people look down on you for anything :)"
So I may or may not have just danced around my house laughing joyfully now knowing that my blog has it's first real fan. And it's not someone that I told to read it daily or anything this time... It's somebody that just happened to stumble upon it and now reads it on their own because they enjoy it. I've been striving for that since first beginning this blog during my sophomore year. I'd like to thank you, Kelly, for this great mood I'm in tonight.
I really took your advice into consideration as well, and I appreciate it. I'm not trying to say that I'm running from any problems, just that I'd like the adventure. I'm sure a few months gone and I'd learn all new reasons to appreciate my hometown again.
So I may or may not have just danced around my house laughing joyfully now knowing that my blog has it's first real fan. And it's not someone that I told to read it daily or anything this time... It's somebody that just happened to stumble upon it and now reads it on their own because they enjoy it. I've been striving for that since first beginning this blog during my sophomore year. I'd like to thank you, Kelly, for this great mood I'm in tonight.
I really took your advice into consideration as well, and I appreciate it. I'm not trying to say that I'm running from any problems, just that I'd like the adventure. I'm sure a few months gone and I'd learn all new reasons to appreciate my hometown again.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
This is my life motto.
"And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." -Maryanne Williamson
Monday, January 18, 2010
All or Nothing.
"People have enough to live, but nothing to live for; they have the means, but no meaning.” -Robert Fogel
Only seventeen years old and I have already tried to fathom every possible excuse to avoid working my life away. I hold on to dreams of traveling the world, helping others, embracing each new day, and discovering myself through God's word.
Currently I am working almost thirty hours a week at a local clothing store, while still attending high school. I'm enrolled in three college level courses, but am left with almost no time to study. I've been sick for over a month with all the running I do, and I've drifted apart from more than a few friends because I haven't had the chance to call them and see how they're doing.
I don't want life after high school to be this way. I have a hunger for something so much more than a nine to five.
At what point did we become so caught up in these fast-paced lifestyles that we forgot to stop and embrace life? When did we start to feel as though working overtime suddenly was more important than backyard football games, watching the sunset with the one we love, or riding with the windows down, singing Born to be Wild, and feeling the wind blow through our hair?
Maybe I've already realized that the security money offers us is merely a societal construct that holds us back from experiencing the true passions of life.
A combination of our upbringing into a society that values money, power, and success is the root of my discontent. A society whose definition of success is so out of line with true happiness. I am desperate for something more than what we were taught would make us happy.
Only seventeen years old and I have already tried to fathom every possible excuse to avoid working my life away. I hold on to dreams of traveling the world, helping others, embracing each new day, and discovering myself through God's word.
Currently I am working almost thirty hours a week at a local clothing store, while still attending high school. I'm enrolled in three college level courses, but am left with almost no time to study. I've been sick for over a month with all the running I do, and I've drifted apart from more than a few friends because I haven't had the chance to call them and see how they're doing.
I don't want life after high school to be this way. I have a hunger for something so much more than a nine to five.
At what point did we become so caught up in these fast-paced lifestyles that we forgot to stop and embrace life? When did we start to feel as though working overtime suddenly was more important than backyard football games, watching the sunset with the one we love, or riding with the windows down, singing Born to be Wild, and feeling the wind blow through our hair?
Maybe I've already realized that the security money offers us is merely a societal construct that holds us back from experiencing the true passions of life.
A combination of our upbringing into a society that values money, power, and success is the root of my discontent. A society whose definition of success is so out of line with true happiness. I am desperate for something more than what we were taught would make us happy.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
They seldom wore shoes on Sundays...
Most Sundays they spent a good portion of the day in bed. He watched the football games on TV for hours. She told him about her upcoming week, growing excited for what was to come, as she set fresh flowers about the house. Around 1 o’clock they ate lunch - a colorful plate of all their favorites. She curled up on one end of the couch, her legs and feet covered with a blanket. He sat next to her, his legs sprawled out in front. They looked forward to these lazy Sundays all week—sometimes spent laughing at whatever movie he had in his queue, sometimes spent holding one another hovering the thin line between pillow talk and half-conscious murmurings as they slipped into a light sleep. As daylight turned to dusk, their stomachs reminded them of the hour and, for the first time that day, they put on shoes and walked down the long, winding roads to the tiny restaurant at the base of the mountain. Here they took a seat at their typical table and ordered the exact same thing they had ordered every Sunday night for the last eight months.
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