I think I wrote a couple of weeks ago mentioning that I was in a lot of pain and constantly hunched over, hardly able to walk. I had to quit working, and eventually even getting dressed and out of the house became too much of a hassle for me. When that happened, Justin began dropping by my house to visit and check up on me. Just last Tuesday he made his way over after a long day of work to see me and to spend the night with me. We laid in bed and talked for a couple of hours before the poor thing could hardly keep his eyes open any longer.
We woke the next morning, ate a quick breakfast, and took showers. Justin had a few errands to run over at Edison State College and then we were heading to his cousin's apartment to help them move out. It was as I was slipping on my shoes that I got a phone call from my Dad who told me that I had 20 minutes to pack a bag and to be ready to leave the house... I was being rushed into emergency surgery and he was on his way to get me.
I hardly had time to hang up the phone before I burst into tears. An equally as terrified Justin took me into his arms and tried to catch the full story in between my gasps for air. Although it was his only day off from work and he could have just as easily decided he didn't want to waste it sitting around any hospital, Justin never left my side. He held me as I cried on my living room couch. He held my hand as doctors examined me and nurses poked me for blood and IV's. He was there to kiss my forehead as I was wheeled into the Operating Room. And he tucked me into bed at night in that cold, dark hospital room with the warm promise of his return in the morning.
...And he stood true to his word. For the next three days, J was at that hospital every morning as soon as I awoke and stayed until he had to be at work. There is NOTHING that I can even say to reveal how much that spoke to me. I have always known that he would give away everything if it meant making me happy, but during those couple days I saw the size of a man's heart. I saw his true character. I saw an unmasked, scared-to-death man willing to do anything to set things right, and to take his girl back home with him unharmed. I saw a grown man cry.
I don't know if really anyone knows how to percieve tears, either. Let them cry it out? Rush to them with a hug? Offer advice? ...I personally think girls are just as clueless as to why guys cry and what to do about it as guys are uncertain about girls' tears. I don't fully understand what was going through Justin's head as I was rushed to that hospital. I don't know whether he realized immediately how dangerous such a surgery was (with the diagnosis doctors first assumed). I don't know whether it registered to him at that moment, a time of emergency, how important to him I was. Or I don't know if he just didn't like to see me cry... but hearing him admit to breaking down tore me to pieces.
It had taken until that moment for me to fully register that I mean everything to someone.
All of your life you're taught to be yourself... to live for the things that make you happy and never worry about anyone else. You never really stop to consider that as you're out there doing your own thing, there could be someone that has always been there, following you just to admire your radiance.
One day they approach you. The next day you're in love. And from there on out, you spend all of your time focusing on what they do to make you happy. And no matter how many times they tell you how much you mean to them, it never fully registers because you can only think of how happy being there with them is making you. You brag to your friends about them. You spend hours upon days upon weeks daydreaming about them.
You give them everything you have to offer.... and then you wonder why they don't feel as though they deserve it. They're caught up in the same mess you don't even know you're in.
And then one day, something happens. Maybe you have a medical emergency (such as it was with my situation). Maybe you move away, and they do everything within their power to bring you back home. Maybe they propose. Maybe you watch two elderly lovers and decide that your own love is strong enough to withstand a lifetime together. Maybe you wake up in the night and you finally understand....
YOU MAKE SOMEONE FEEL
EXTRAORDINARY!
Just as extraordinary as they make you feel. And this sudden realization....
causes you to fall even deeper in love. ♥
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