smile!

Somebody randomly approached me today and told me that I have a beautiful smile.
I wish words could even begin to explain how much that meant to me, and how happy I am now because of it.
It makes waiting for my implant a little bit easier, and it makes these past eight years seem like a little bit less of such a waste of time.
Personally, I think God put me through such a struggle with my teeth because he knew how often I smile and that after all of this, I'd deeply appreciate having an attractive one.
I'm adding it to my list of blessings.

our conversations are always my favorites anyways ;)

It's amazing how all it takes is a deep, good hearted conversation with a friend to settle you down. Sometimes you need to bring out the bad in order to find the good. It may bring up some uneasy feelings but in my opinion, it's better to be hurt by a friends tough love for the moment than to be left with a long term pain from unreasonable problems between the two of you. I don't regret mentioning a damn thing for that very reason. You were the one that taught me to stand up for myself afterall, and you taught me well.
I really am sorry. If I didn't apologize enough earlier, then I'm sorry for that too, but I really should have let you know how I felt. I feel a lot better now though knowing that you and I are the type of friends that may disagree on a lot of things, but we share a common ground... and that's that we care for one another. I especially love that we are each tough, stubborn, and independent, always ready to stand our ground for what we believe in. It makes our arguments twice as meaningful once we are able to reach the lesson buried beneath it all.
Thank you for helping me to become a better person by questioning my beliefs and my intentions, and thank you for offering me the amount of support that you've always been readily available with.
I love you, girl.

life is a road.

I'm laying here, in my babe's arms, blogging from my iPhone. He fell asleep a few minutes ago and so I'm trying to do this as quietly as possible, and without moving around too much. I wish I could curl up and go to sleep too but 1. my mind is racing and 2. I can't help but watch him sleep. His chest rises and falls with every breath, but his arms never loosen their grip around me. It makes me smile. If you look hard you'll even notice the corners of his lips curl up as if he's got his signature smart-ass smirk on. This makes me smile too.

I've been lying here for a while thinking of the sharp curves life has thrown in my direction in just these past couple months.
I'll be the first to admit that I was stubborn in the beginning. I thought I knew what was best for myself, and so I tried to clear my own path for my life. I fought through thickets of denial, excuses, and blame never really knowing that God had a paved road already ready for me to ride along. One step at a time I made my way back to His road as I accepted that God knew what was best for me and would lead me to it.
Laying here today leaves me with not a doubt that this is what I've been waiting for. I can't imagine anywhere or anyone better for myself.

Thinking about this paved road also leaves me wondering where we're headed next.
Will there be lots of twists and turns, or will it be a straight easy trip? Will the road be forked, or will it be one way? If it's forked, will our roads come together again, or will they lead each of us to different fates?
Justin and I are headed towards essentially huge parts of our lives. He's entering the United States Navy in less than a year, and I'll be finishing up high school and moving on to college, and possibly away from home. I don't really know what this entails for us as a couple. We've talked about being together while he's away for those four years, and we're determined to make it through but who's to say we're traveling on the same road hand in hand from here on out? And if we're not, will we fight again to make our own path...will we find a way to be together when he comes home from the Navy?
Will we even still believe we're best for each other?
Sometimes I feel as if we need to talk about it, but what is there to really say? Nobody knows just what the future holds so nobody knows how to prepare themselves.

It's exciting but I'm scared.

Life Is Good.

"It's amazing how you can look at that sticker...Life Is Good...and those three little words can encapsulate the love you have for each day here, and make you think- damn, life really is good."- Jimmy.

FINALLY somebody sees it like I do.
Thank you Jimmy for proving my point.

I'm all talk.

I like to pretend I know exactly what I'm doing, but I actually have no idea. I don't think any of us really do.

i'm sorry if i worried you.

I will probably never know what it is that triggers thoughts suddenly, sending them flying from somewhere in the depths of your brain as far forth as possible and causing you suddenly to remember them with as much detail as if it were the day on which it happened. Sometimes these flashbacks push on the backs of your eyes, making it nearly impossible for you to fight back tears; other times, they're pleasant memories that leave you hiding sudden gigantic smiles... Surely you don't want whoever you're with to think you belong in the loony bin.
Tonight flashbacks merely allowed a blanket of uneasiness to wrap me in a deceitful embrace. The drive home was exactly what I needed, however. Sometimes it does me good to have even a half hour to myself to tuck my worries back into the crevices of me from which they crawled. It allows me to maintain my fearless, independent reputation in front of a crowd... or to try to create one, anyways. Maybe I'm pathetic... I probably am, but it's the only way I've ever known to handle myself.
I also started thinking today how hard it's been for me to open myself up to somebody that's only ever had the biggest heart and the best intentions. Once I begin thinking about that, my mind shifts to how unatrractive that must be on my part. I hate that I put you through this alongside myself. I hate that because it's hard for me to finally accept somebody so genuinely respective of me(now that I've actually found one), it's probably punishment for you because I'm not ever sure how to offer you the same thoughtfulness in return... though you deserve even more than that.
Maybe sometime I'd like to talk about it. Today I should have, but I didn't want to get into it with not much time to spare.
Just know that I'm doing my best, but it's hard not to get overwhelmed once in a while. I'm working on learning how to handle it a little better as well.
I promise.

Welcome, 2009.

It's hard to believe that an entire year ago, I was racing down Immokalee Road, running 4 miles in the freezing cold to a bathroom, only to end up peeing my pants as I reached for the door handle. I still think it was a good way to start 2008.
Although 2009 probably didn't start so energetically, I still think it will be something I'll always remember.
I looked out my window at Gatlinburg...fireworks flooded the sky, cheering roared from the streets at the base of the mountain, lights flashed, noisemakers echoed throughout the mountains, and clouds of bubbles floated everywhere. My entire family was at the New Years Party downtown, but because I had been sick, I wasn't allowed to go. Instead I laid in my top bunk, under piles of blankets, still shivering until I got a call from Justin. He was supposed to be at a big New Years Party as well, but told me he had gotten sick and stayed home in bed... a weird coicidence, right?

We made each other a promise right then at midnight, and so I'm saving my first kiss of 2009 for him.


...It's been tempting though with all these babies here ;)