9:30 pm, speeding along I-75, windows down, wind sweeping through my hair, arm out the window, a smiley drawen in the fog on the front windshield, streetlights shining in, Justin driving, me in the passenger seat, Josh Gracin diverting his lyrics through the speakers at us. I was thinking through it all. Just thinking about life. Why is it that some people can find no reason at all to enjoy it? I touched the cross once, and then my fingers seemed magnatized to it. I couldn't put it down. I twirled it around in my fingers and just looked at it. I know I don't always come across as so religious, but not even I will deny the fact that we all have so much to live for. Nights like tonight really make me appreciative of everything I have. I'm generally quiet during them, and I like to take it all in. Thoughts start sprinting through my mind, a smile comes across my face,and the silence speaks to me itself soothing words. So much can be said without really any talking at all. I noticed a woman speeding past us... her eyes weary, arms locked at the elbow, tight grip on the wheel, and not even a trace of any smile. Why are some people in such a rush? I wish I could show them. I wish I could slow them down to see the world before it passes them by.
After more bad news from doctors ( STILL, after an entire year this is happening to me), I've spent all day crying. Even as I write this, my head pounds from thousands of lost tears. Maybe I'm dehydrated now from so much water loss, haha. Let it be known that I appreciate life. Even with everything I've been through. Even with everything I continue to struggle with. I won't lie, tears happen. It's not letting them get the best of you thats the big concern. I swear to you, no matter how bad things ever get... I will always find time in life to laugh. Jokes, laughter, and friends have been what it's taken to help me hold myself together lately. My mom stopped me today, and pointed out that she's noticed a lot of her in me just since I've started growing up. She told me I'm stronger than I realize, and that little things I do, or the way I make jokes about situations to lighten the mood is a quality she's noticed in me only recently. That is probably the highest compliment you can give me, a comparison to my mother.
To be 110% honest, I idol her. She is probably the hardest working woman you will ever meet. She's motivated, she's tough, she's sarcastic, she's HILARIOUS. She grew up with 3 brothers, and a father that beat the shit out of them if they did anything wrong. Moved out at 16, chased off a guy robbing her of everything she had with a knife and then her car. She worked hard for all that she had and when ANYBODY tried to take it from her, it was personal. She was a manager at her job, paid bills, was in softball, track, and volleyball, captain of the teams even!
Hearing her tell me that she saw herself in me made me so appreciative. I teared up, and choked out a 'really?' I'm so happy, so appreciative, so full of life right now, and I just wish I could pass this mood on to earth's population. It feels so good.
No comments:
Post a Comment