Sitting alone in this cabin at night probably would be actually very enjoyable if I weren't such a baby, pacing the halls and cringing with every tick from the big clock cornered by the door.
The phone keeps ringing, but upon answering it, I am met with a dial tone. As I try to call out, an operator informs me that my own phone line has been disconnected.
I do my best to believe it each time until it mysteriously rings again.
It kills me to admit that I know the story of the one armed man isn't true, but I still half expect to have him come crashing through the sliding glass doors in the absense of my family. It also kills me to admit that I've been calling around, looking for somebody to stay on the phone with me long enough to allow my stomach to settle. Nobody is answering though so I'll either sit here until I get over all of this, or shit my pants... one of the two.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Dungeon.
"The dungeon," as I like to call it, is the coldest darkest bedroom of the cabin. It is 2 stories below the cabin's main living area, and because the kids of the cabin are not allowed down to that room, the fact that is has no door is usually not too much of a problem.
This morning, however, I laid in bed listening to 18 sets of tiny toddler toes creaking down the stairs. There was nothing I could do, and God knows I wasn't going to jump out of bed to stop them, so I pulled the blankets up over my head and muttered an, "oh shit."
They flooded the room, screaming at the top of their lungs, and pulling themselves onto my top bunk, as well as Jeff's. They jumped on us, and started a chant..."WAKE UP LAZY BUMS! WAKE UP LAZY BUMS! WAKE UP LAZY BUMS!"
Rileigh led the chant, Morgan saddled Jeff's back, Lelaine stood at the doorway yelling threats, Dakota jumped up and down on my bed, Matthew pulled on my hair, and the rest of them just screamed their lungs out.
As irritated as I was, I had to laugh... what a way to start the day, right?
Lelaine yelled, "If you don't get up, we're going to leave you here while we go to Dollywood."
hah... Dollywood's a bore.
"Hey, Lelaine... leave me then. Let me sleep. Teach me a lesson," I replied, and so all the kids laughed and scrambled out of the room to "teach us a lesson."
mmmm, peace and quiet.
I'm alone in the cabin now... sitting out on the balcony, watching the fog roll over the mountain tops. It's quiet enough now to allow me to do some thinking.
So far, all that's come to mind is the time I have left here... only 2 days, and I know that won't be nearly enough.
It's going to require quite an effort to drag me to Naples, from here at "home."
This morning, however, I laid in bed listening to 18 sets of tiny toddler toes creaking down the stairs. There was nothing I could do, and God knows I wasn't going to jump out of bed to stop them, so I pulled the blankets up over my head and muttered an, "oh shit."
They flooded the room, screaming at the top of their lungs, and pulling themselves onto my top bunk, as well as Jeff's. They jumped on us, and started a chant..."WAKE UP LAZY BUMS! WAKE UP LAZY BUMS! WAKE UP LAZY BUMS!"
Rileigh led the chant, Morgan saddled Jeff's back, Lelaine stood at the doorway yelling threats, Dakota jumped up and down on my bed, Matthew pulled on my hair, and the rest of them just screamed their lungs out.
As irritated as I was, I had to laugh... what a way to start the day, right?
Lelaine yelled, "If you don't get up, we're going to leave you here while we go to Dollywood."
hah... Dollywood's a bore.
"Hey, Lelaine... leave me then. Let me sleep. Teach me a lesson," I replied, and so all the kids laughed and scrambled out of the room to "teach us a lesson."
mmmm, peace and quiet.
I'm alone in the cabin now... sitting out on the balcony, watching the fog roll over the mountain tops. It's quiet enough now to allow me to do some thinking.
So far, all that's come to mind is the time I have left here... only 2 days, and I know that won't be nearly enough.
It's going to require quite an effort to drag me to Naples, from here at "home."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
I miss you, already.
As most everyone else in the cabin called it a night, I crept down from my top bunk, as quietly as I could, climbed three flights of stairs, and found myself a cozy corner of the couch in the loft, from which I now am writing. A small retractable reading lamp is extended from the wall bent over my lap, and the TV offers background noise for an otherwise silent cabin. I haven't had the chance to sleep much in the past couple days. I've gotten in maybe a few hours of sleep at the most, yet I can't seem to fall asleep now that I have the opportunity to do so.
I went for a walk tonight...wandered down the mountain side, jumped through a pile of big crunchy leaves, sat on the bank, and watched my breath against the cold night air as I decided I'd love to spend the rest of my life here. Something was missing though... your heart, beating in sync with mine.
Partially unsatisfied, I then walked back to the cabin to spend a while lying down before the warm fire...
All I wish is that you could see the view I've tried to explain to you so many times before. I want you to appreciate this like I do, to stand in awe of such beauty alongside me.
There is an empty spot beside me on this couch, an empty hand for you to hold, and an extra mug for hot chocolate...
It seems so simple, but they will probably always overlook such perfection.
I went for a walk tonight...wandered down the mountain side, jumped through a pile of big crunchy leaves, sat on the bank, and watched my breath against the cold night air as I decided I'd love to spend the rest of my life here. Something was missing though... your heart, beating in sync with mine.
Partially unsatisfied, I then walked back to the cabin to spend a while lying down before the warm fire...
All I wish is that you could see the view I've tried to explain to you so many times before. I want you to appreciate this like I do, to stand in awe of such beauty alongside me.
There is an empty spot beside me on this couch, an empty hand for you to hold, and an extra mug for hot chocolate...
It seems so simple, but they will probably always overlook such perfection.
It's going to be a long drive.
Jalapeno potato chips and trail mix generally do not make for a very nutritional breakfast; however, stopping at a Circle K at seven in the morning doesn't leave you with too many other options. I'm not complaining thogh. My tongue's on fire and it's enough to keep me from speaking my mind.
Trust me; nobody wants to hear what I have to say anyways...
I am currently sitting in a Toyota 4-runner, knees to my chest, and my laptop balanced atop. Unfortunately, I'm also watching my father dance to weird techno songs in between singing along with Celine Dion to the Titanic soundtrack. A CD of O.A.R. songs Justin put together for me last night, originally intended to help this drive pass by more quickly, actually has me thinking of him, wishing he were right here with me. My right buttcheek is asleep, but i have no where to shift my weight to, and so it will continue to tingle until we reach the top of Florida and I can get out of here long enough to get a good stretch in.
Ahead of us is a row of cars about seven deep, each of which are occupied by family members with walkie talkies. Each car has a "code name." Ben and Alicia's white truck is, "The White Whale," Brad and Steph's truck is "The White Midget," Kim and Kev's gold Commander is "Gold Digger," Shelly's van is "Party Girl," Kori's Commander is "Silver Seduction," Donna's Buick is "The Gay Mobile," (we still have no idea why they chose to call it this,) and our 4-runner is "The While Mobile." I suppose that our code name is in my honor, as I whined halfway through Florida that I had to pee, I was thirsty, I missed Justin, my dad's music was too loud, his driving was making me dizzy, I was cold, etc. You can't blame me too much though... I'm running on about an hour of sleep... if that.
Trust me; nobody wants to hear what I have to say anyways...
I am currently sitting in a Toyota 4-runner, knees to my chest, and my laptop balanced atop. Unfortunately, I'm also watching my father dance to weird techno songs in between singing along with Celine Dion to the Titanic soundtrack. A CD of O.A.R. songs Justin put together for me last night, originally intended to help this drive pass by more quickly, actually has me thinking of him, wishing he were right here with me. My right buttcheek is asleep, but i have no where to shift my weight to, and so it will continue to tingle until we reach the top of Florida and I can get out of here long enough to get a good stretch in.
Ahead of us is a row of cars about seven deep, each of which are occupied by family members with walkie talkies. Each car has a "code name." Ben and Alicia's white truck is, "The White Whale," Brad and Steph's truck is "The White Midget," Kim and Kev's gold Commander is "Gold Digger," Shelly's van is "Party Girl," Kori's Commander is "Silver Seduction," Donna's Buick is "The Gay Mobile," (we still have no idea why they chose to call it this,) and our 4-runner is "The While Mobile." I suppose that our code name is in my honor, as I whined halfway through Florida that I had to pee, I was thirsty, I missed Justin, my dad's music was too loud, his driving was making me dizzy, I was cold, etc. You can't blame me too much though... I'm running on about an hour of sleep... if that.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Not all who wander are lost.
Only a few months shy of 17, she loved the freedom of driving herself around- as did every teenager- but the places she loved most were the ones to which her own two feet could carry her. She was a simple girl...maybe the perfect example of a well-rounded being, and it took little to inspire, or excite her. She was outgoing as well, but sometimes she preferred to revel in only her own company.
Tonight she drove down the dark winding back streets of Naples. She had just dropped off her cousin, but she wasn't quite ready to go back home...wasn't quite ready to surrender to the night.
Catching sight of a deep, pitch black trail, she considered taking it. It didn't look like it could possibly lead anywhere, but she decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.
She parked her car in the closest deserted parking lot she could find, and ran across the empty streets and beneath the lonely street lights to peer in.
The crisp night air stung the tip of her nose,and pierced her lungs as she inhaled. She bent down, took off her shoes, pushed up her sleeves, and cuffed up her jean legs.
Maybe she would have been hesitant had an adrenaline rush not overcome her, but it had, and so she ran.
Shadows of tall dark trees and bushes did not allow even the luminous overhead moon to offer her a bit of light as guidance, but she kept on.
As this darkness enveloped the space around her, a silence like she had never heard before did the same. A silence that became a steady hum in her ears—a hum so loud she couldn’t think.... she didn't want to consider her thoughts anyways. She was alone; she didn't have anybody to explain herself to, anybody to hold her back, and it felt damn good.
Eventually the trail ended, and her pace slowed down to a casual stroll. Her determined sweat-gleaming face changed expressions, allowing a smile to spread wide, and her eyes lit up as they caught the moon's reflection on a still lake surface. There was an old swingset overlooking it. It looked as if it hadn't been put to good use in quite some time, and so she raced to it.
The feel of the coarse sand grains between her cold bare toes made her laugh, but not nearly as hard as the incredible feeling of being suspended in air over the water.
The man on the moon smiled down at her in her innocence. She smiled right back, ignoring the constant creaking of the old swing with every back and forth.
It was a night unlike any other for her. She felt so full of life, so... happy.
The emotion had never felt so powerful before.
She hardly gave herself the time to even process the thought before she had jumped from the swing, splashing into the chilly lake water below.
It was at that exact moment that she remembered why she had always encouraged surrendering to your impulses, being a little adventurous, and occasionally doing things on your own.
She picked up shoes, tied up her dripping hair, and swore she'd never live any other way.
Tonight she drove down the dark winding back streets of Naples. She had just dropped off her cousin, but she wasn't quite ready to go back home...wasn't quite ready to surrender to the night.
Catching sight of a deep, pitch black trail, she considered taking it. It didn't look like it could possibly lead anywhere, but she decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.
She parked her car in the closest deserted parking lot she could find, and ran across the empty streets and beneath the lonely street lights to peer in.
The crisp night air stung the tip of her nose,and pierced her lungs as she inhaled. She bent down, took off her shoes, pushed up her sleeves, and cuffed up her jean legs.
Maybe she would have been hesitant had an adrenaline rush not overcome her, but it had, and so she ran.
Shadows of tall dark trees and bushes did not allow even the luminous overhead moon to offer her a bit of light as guidance, but she kept on.
As this darkness enveloped the space around her, a silence like she had never heard before did the same. A silence that became a steady hum in her ears—a hum so loud she couldn’t think.... she didn't want to consider her thoughts anyways. She was alone; she didn't have anybody to explain herself to, anybody to hold her back, and it felt damn good.
Eventually the trail ended, and her pace slowed down to a casual stroll. Her determined sweat-gleaming face changed expressions, allowing a smile to spread wide, and her eyes lit up as they caught the moon's reflection on a still lake surface. There was an old swingset overlooking it. It looked as if it hadn't been put to good use in quite some time, and so she raced to it.
The feel of the coarse sand grains between her cold bare toes made her laugh, but not nearly as hard as the incredible feeling of being suspended in air over the water.
The man on the moon smiled down at her in her innocence. She smiled right back, ignoring the constant creaking of the old swing with every back and forth.
It was a night unlike any other for her. She felt so full of life, so... happy.
The emotion had never felt so powerful before.
She hardly gave herself the time to even process the thought before she had jumped from the swing, splashing into the chilly lake water below.
It was at that exact moment that she remembered why she had always encouraged surrendering to your impulses, being a little adventurous, and occasionally doing things on your own.
She picked up shoes, tied up her dripping hair, and swore she'd never live any other way.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
rare, innocent, pure... straight from the heart.
"Are our brains constantly keeping our hearts in check? The brain reminds the heart of the past, the pain we've faced in broken relationships, and the hurt we may have caused others. Hearts are forgiving by nature but brains hold on to things and talk sense into us when it feels the heart is being exposed prematurely. When our hearts so desperately want to forgive, let go and love...our brains tell us to proceed with caution. Although the brain can warn and protect the heart it cannot dictate what the heart is feeling. sometimes you are so completely overwhelmed with genuine love for a person that little things slip past so quickly the brain can barely process what has happened. It's the little pieces of the heart that slip through that we need to grasp on to...the words that are spoken without fear or hesitation, they are raw...innocent and in their purest form. Take them and tuck them away...those words are rare."
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
gingerbread houses!
I just realized I have yet to blog one of my favorite stories...
Last Friday night Justin and I were putting together a gingerbread house. Because it was his first, he was meticulously spreading the icing around with a butter knife, while I carelessly used my finger, licking the icing from it as I completed my task. He was taking the time to create a pattern in the miniature multicolored "christmas lights" on the exterior of the house while I took a handful of the candies and chucked them at the wet icing. He wanted to dust the house in powdered sugar to resemble snow; I'm sure I disappointed him, as I was more interested in dumping the entire bag over the house while yelling, "IT'S A BLIZZARD!"
We found a bag of Entemann's powdered doughnuts and stacked them to create a snowman, we put candy evergreen trees around the "snow deep yard" and decorated the roof with sprinkles.
This house was an ant's definition of heaven. It probably would have been really cute too if I had left Justin to decorating on his own.
Anyways, I decided we had to leave the gingerbread house outside so my cat wouldn't have the opportunity to jump through it and leave powdered sugar covering our kitchen floor, as entertaining as that would have been.
Once outside though, I picked one of the doughnuts up, the snowmans head, and chucked it at Justin. Then the second, and then the third. He scrambled about the yard, looking for the doughnuts to pick back up and throw back at me. Once he grabbed one up, he came closer intending to smash it all over me. But my reflexes intervened and I slapped him in the head with the tray the gingerbread house was sitting on, sending the 2 lb gingerbread house crumbling as it met his temple. He laid on the ground for a good few minutes before he sprang back up to pick a doughnut out of the grass and shove it in my mouth. It was bits of wet powdered crumbs and blades of grass that slid down my throat and left me choking.
After I managed to spit out the majority of this repulsive combination, I choked yet again... this time on laughter.
Last Friday night Justin and I were putting together a gingerbread house. Because it was his first, he was meticulously spreading the icing around with a butter knife, while I carelessly used my finger, licking the icing from it as I completed my task. He was taking the time to create a pattern in the miniature multicolored "christmas lights" on the exterior of the house while I took a handful of the candies and chucked them at the wet icing. He wanted to dust the house in powdered sugar to resemble snow; I'm sure I disappointed him, as I was more interested in dumping the entire bag over the house while yelling, "IT'S A BLIZZARD!"
We found a bag of Entemann's powdered doughnuts and stacked them to create a snowman, we put candy evergreen trees around the "snow deep yard" and decorated the roof with sprinkles.
This house was an ant's definition of heaven. It probably would have been really cute too if I had left Justin to decorating on his own.
Anyways, I decided we had to leave the gingerbread house outside so my cat wouldn't have the opportunity to jump through it and leave powdered sugar covering our kitchen floor, as entertaining as that would have been.
Once outside though, I picked one of the doughnuts up, the snowmans head, and chucked it at Justin. Then the second, and then the third. He scrambled about the yard, looking for the doughnuts to pick back up and throw back at me. Once he grabbed one up, he came closer intending to smash it all over me. But my reflexes intervened and I slapped him in the head with the tray the gingerbread house was sitting on, sending the 2 lb gingerbread house crumbling as it met his temple. He laid on the ground for a good few minutes before he sprang back up to pick a doughnut out of the grass and shove it in my mouth. It was bits of wet powdered crumbs and blades of grass that slid down my throat and left me choking.
After I managed to spit out the majority of this repulsive combination, I choked yet again... this time on laughter.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Everytime she gets a message, she wishes with all her heart that it's him. & for a moment she has butterflies. But the reality hits her hard & leaves her feeling stupid for ever considering it a possibilty that he'd have her on his mind
it was more of the inside joke,
fighting in the hallways,
make me laugh when im crying,
hold me when no one else was there,
you are my best friend,
fall in love kinda thing.
Feel the wind blow through your hair
enjoy the night without need to fear
feel the rain wash away your tears
and remember my darling...i want you here.
it was more of the inside joke,
fighting in the hallways,
make me laugh when im crying,
hold me when no one else was there,
you are my best friend,
fall in love kinda thing.
Feel the wind blow through your hair
enjoy the night without need to fear
feel the rain wash away your tears
and remember my darling...i want you here.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
4 dollar tip.
After handing Justin 5 dollars to pay for our swords at the dollar store.
J: I don't want it, here take it back.
N: keep it, think of it as a tip for last night ;)
J: that bad huh?
N: I was kidding......(long pause)..can I have one of those dollars back?
J: I don't want it, here take it back.
N: keep it, think of it as a tip for last night ;)
J: that bad huh?
N: I was kidding......(long pause)..can I have one of those dollars back?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
CD Fragrances
I'm not sure if there will ever be a Nicole Merriam body mist. I mean you dream, you know? You watch people like Usher and Gwen Stefani develop their own signature scents and you think to yourself, "Why not me? Couldn't I have a perfume called Carpe Diem that smelled like a potpourri of crisp Fall air and strawberry lemonade?
Unfortunately the toilet water industry is all about who you know, and I don't know anyone. Chances are, I won't be able to offer you CD anytime soon, even though the commercial would feature me just looking soulfully at the camera with my finger to my mouth whispering, “SHHHHH.”
Unfortunately the toilet water industry is all about who you know, and I don't know anyone. Chances are, I won't be able to offer you CD anytime soon, even though the commercial would feature me just looking soulfully at the camera with my finger to my mouth whispering, “SHHHHH.”
Monday, November 3, 2008
This is a love letter.
You were joking around about never having gotten one from me, so I wrote this in my head a couple of nights ago. I was kicking around out front, not wanting to take another walk down to the canal to garner my thoughts, and not yet ready to come inside. I walked myself along the slick sides of the street; one foot on pavement, the other lost in the deep, fresh grass. I thought about mowing it, but then realized I had to have been kidding myself, and so I kept walking. I was walking, thinking, thinking, thinking, watching squirrels run across the powerlines, and thinking.
You were talking to me about the Navy that morning. And now, you're in Miami, spending the night in a hotel room and waiting to sign at the recruiters office tomorrow. I had just as difficult a time then as I do now trying to convince myself what I'm feeling.
I think I'm scared for you to sign with the Navy. Scared, but excited. It's not really anything I know how to handle because it's such an odd feeling...definitely not one I've ever encountered before. Scared that I may not get to see you as often as I'd like to? maybe. I AM selfish after all. Or maybe scared that I'll never really know where you are or what you're up to... other than when you're able to write me, of course. But who knows how often that might be.(Even tonight, you find little over 5 minutes at a time to talk to me each time you try to call. Who knows what months of this will do to us.) I'm sure only a couple days here without hearing from you will feel a lot longer than a couple days there without hearing from me. There's no doubt that I'll worry. I mean, you could be in another country and chances are I'll just be sitting at home, only blowing off homework. All the while though, I'm excited. Excited to watch you move on with your life, and to work towards accomplishing something that I know means a lot to you. I'm excited to watch you become even more a man. I'm excited to think that we're growing up. Looking at where we've come from and where we're headed is like looking at the pencil marks Grandpa used to make on the back of the bedroom door. I can see the growth. I also may be a little excited to admit that I have a Navy boy's full attention, and that I'm the one he will write home to. It's sexy, it's sweet, and at the risk of inflating your head anymore, it's been the source of more than a few pleasant daydreams.
These past few days have been more than I could ever ask for. I love our spark, I love our banter, I love "rose," and Akon. ;) I love that you hate Jon McLaughlin because I like him but I've caught you listening to him before. I love you in that white hat, no matter how much I live to argue with you about it. I love that you wrap me up in your jacket whenever you notice another guy looking in my direction. I love that you can make me laugh simply by busting out the lyrics to the Lollipop remix. I love that you make me so mad that I just want to hit you in the head... you know just what to say to me to really get me frustrated, but my expression will never make it obvious. I love your sensitivity and insights, your challenge and your passion. I love that you criticize me and make me look hard at myself. I love whatever it is about you that let's me be me - or, more to the point, whatever it is about you that helps me to be a better me. I love that you accept so little at face value and always look for more. I love that you can say you're sorry and mean it. I love that fact that I could continue this list for at least seven pages, and I love the fact that I don't know whether or not you'll give me shit for being such a sap.
But there is just something about waking up in your arms with a kiss on the forehead after the perfect day that leaves me writing long cheesy blog posts. If you could have seen me only a few minutes before you thought I had just awaken... you would have seen tenderness in my eyes, and a smile on my lips.
You were talking to me about the Navy that morning. And now, you're in Miami, spending the night in a hotel room and waiting to sign at the recruiters office tomorrow. I had just as difficult a time then as I do now trying to convince myself what I'm feeling.
I think I'm scared for you to sign with the Navy. Scared, but excited. It's not really anything I know how to handle because it's such an odd feeling...definitely not one I've ever encountered before. Scared that I may not get to see you as often as I'd like to? maybe. I AM selfish after all. Or maybe scared that I'll never really know where you are or what you're up to... other than when you're able to write me, of course. But who knows how often that might be.(Even tonight, you find little over 5 minutes at a time to talk to me each time you try to call. Who knows what months of this will do to us.) I'm sure only a couple days here without hearing from you will feel a lot longer than a couple days there without hearing from me. There's no doubt that I'll worry. I mean, you could be in another country and chances are I'll just be sitting at home, only blowing off homework. All the while though, I'm excited. Excited to watch you move on with your life, and to work towards accomplishing something that I know means a lot to you. I'm excited to watch you become even more a man. I'm excited to think that we're growing up. Looking at where we've come from and where we're headed is like looking at the pencil marks Grandpa used to make on the back of the bedroom door. I can see the growth. I also may be a little excited to admit that I have a Navy boy's full attention, and that I'm the one he will write home to. It's sexy, it's sweet, and at the risk of inflating your head anymore, it's been the source of more than a few pleasant daydreams.
These past few days have been more than I could ever ask for. I love our spark, I love our banter, I love "rose," and Akon. ;) I love that you hate Jon McLaughlin because I like him but I've caught you listening to him before. I love you in that white hat, no matter how much I live to argue with you about it. I love that you wrap me up in your jacket whenever you notice another guy looking in my direction. I love that you can make me laugh simply by busting out the lyrics to the Lollipop remix. I love that you make me so mad that I just want to hit you in the head... you know just what to say to me to really get me frustrated, but my expression will never make it obvious. I love your sensitivity and insights, your challenge and your passion. I love that you criticize me and make me look hard at myself. I love whatever it is about you that let's me be me - or, more to the point, whatever it is about you that helps me to be a better me. I love that you accept so little at face value and always look for more. I love that you can say you're sorry and mean it. I love that fact that I could continue this list for at least seven pages, and I love the fact that I don't know whether or not you'll give me shit for being such a sap.
But there is just something about waking up in your arms with a kiss on the forehead after the perfect day that leaves me writing long cheesy blog posts. If you could have seen me only a few minutes before you thought I had just awaken... you would have seen tenderness in my eyes, and a smile on my lips.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
i'm writing this as i'm in online driving school
I felt 2 hops on my bed and then a blazing stare and I opened my eyes and raised my head to look around. I was a drowsy slugabed, still unconscious of my surroundings, and so you can imagine my shock to find Ace seated on my pillow, looking right back into my own eyes. I laughed and he started to purr. Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen to feed him. A few licks around my ankles expressed his gratitude, made me smile, and got me thinking.
Watching my brother and his friend struggle to make themselves bagel bites also contributed to the mood. The house was filled with the thick odor of burnt cheese and the fans circulated the heavy mephitic smoke above me. It prolonged my smile.
I tried to make a mental list of even every minor detail that has inspired happiness in myself this past weekend. As the list grew longer I lost track and plopped myself onto my living room couch in a haze of bliss. I closed my eyes and I tried to remember my entire Saturday. It was the best I've had in a while, after all...
I woke up around six in the morning to my father turning on my bedroom light. His voice echoed throughout my room as he encouraged me to wake up, and at first all I wanted was to throw the blankets over my head and return to my dreams. My eyes adjusted to the light quickly, however, allowing me to check the time. It was enough to have me remember the day's scheduled events and jump out of bed, eager to begin the day.
Seven in the morning found me on I75, singing to 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' with my dad. We were on our way to pick Justin up from Estero. The car ride there, which I imagined to be quiet and uninteresting, was actually spent singing at the top of our lungs and then laughing at our own stupidity. (My grandma just walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was unexpected but it was cute.)We spent a while looking for Justin in Miromar Lakes after we were given the wrong directions. I think we may have even forgotten him for a few minutes because we rode around in circles admiring the houses, the lakefront, the cabanas...the all around opulence of the community. A call from an anxious Justin returned us to our search for him, and we found him awaiting our arrival from his front yard. He jumped in the car, and after a quick stop at a double drive-thru laned Micky D's, we got back on the interstate. The car ride was fun, but my favorite part had to have been trying to guess the artists of various songs my dad played for us. It helped not only to pass the time by, but also to distract us from the miserable weather which threatened our chances of riding any coasters.
The weather cleared up once we arrived, which brightened my day...literally ;)
okay, that was retarded...
Anyways... It meant that we were positive we'd have the chance to ride rollarcoasters until we were sick. (I did just that too, but you'll hear more about that later.)
At about ten, we entered the park gates with enthusiasm and ran to the Kwazi first of all. The wait lines were 10 minutes or less and so as quickly as we got off the rollar-coaster, we ran around and got back in line to ride again. In fact, we rode just about all of the rollar coasters multiple times within our first hour of arrival: the Kwazi, Sheikra, Kumba, and Montu. We then proceeded to ride them all yet again, as well as to ride the Sky Lift, Rhino Rally (where I was Navigator, as well as the butt of all the drivers jokes, unfortunately), and Cheetah Chase.
Chrissy and Josh even met up with us in the park, and together we rode a few rollar coasters and the Congo River Rapids. ( WHICH LEFT ME UNHAPPY ABOUT WALKING AROUND WITH WET JEANS RUBBING ON THE INSIDES OF MY LEGS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. =P I'm just kidding. It was a lot of fun.) I was especially glad that Chrissy and Josh came along and made a point of mentioning more than a few times to Justin how much I liked them together. A few other highlights of the day include: watching Justin giving a man in a hippo costume an awkward hug, losing my shoes on the Sheikra and having to buy new ones simply because I refused to take them off before the ride, watching an adorable fat little boy scooping up mustard on his finger and licking it off,LOOKING for my itzakadoodlepop popsicle (I looked at every stand we passed, but I never saw them being sold,)a pirates 4D show, listening to Josh and Chrissy's hilarious stories, determining whether or not some lady was a skank outside of work, carnival games and being given a ninja turtle stuffed animal, being given a flower when i got dehydrated and didn't even want to walk, finding belly dancers in the bathroom, watching the cutest old couple I've ever seen dancing to a song playing through the park's speakers, lazy tigers, dancing geckos, and watching geeky kids top J's basketball score.
Around four, I started feeling sick, and although I urged Justin to continue riding roller coasters without me, I still feel bad that he had to miss out on his last hour of fun for my sake. It turns out that I had gotten dehydrated and after 6 hours of the park, I was just getting tired. We gathered up our stuff, and headed to the car after a day very well spent. The walk through the park and to the exit was laconic. Neither of us could focus on much more than returning to the car to sleep on the long ride home.
Thank God for mothers because without her reminder, I wouldn't have even thought to bring extra clothes and I would have spent my ride home wet, cold, and without the comfort of my favorite sweats.
We stopped down the street so I could change, and again an hour later at Sonic.
Oh, and just for the record, Cherry Limeades are disgusting. Do not encourage anybody that attempts to persuade you to try one.
The ride home seemed a lot shorter than the ride there. We didn't get much sleep in either. Instead, we sang the whole ride home too. My dad got started on some oldies, and I watched him intently as he cheefully sang along. Discretely at first, my eyes teared up as I realized why I couldn't take my eyes off him. He seemed like my old, dorky father. The guy that would sing oldies and Disney favorites to me daily. I was so happy that I couldn't hold back any more tears and they rolled down my cheeks for I had little control and could not stop them from doing so.
Afterwards, we dropped Justin off at his house, and the moment I walked into my own house, I took a shower, blow dryed my hair, threw on some clothes and left again for Walgreens. Justin and I met back up in the parking lot and headed out to Felda for his sister's Halloween party.
I don't remember everything about the party because it was late, and I had already been up for so long, but I do remember that it was fun.
I laughed at Justin when he fell in a hole, I made friends with an old drunken man whom was also a Gators fan, I encouraged a man to have another beer so he was able to dance, I sang, I laughed at Justin's sister trying to put on her motorcycle helmet while wasted and dancing, and I invited both his mom and sister to dance on the bars of Sports Page with me this Friday night.
I also laid in a hammock under a couple of tall trees. The sound of coutry music reminded me of home as it whirled through the crisp night air and settled into my pores, sinking to my bones and making even my bone marrow happy. I closed my eyes and I listened to the combination of laughter, cheerful voices, and music pouring from the back porch. I absorbed it all before I opened my eyes and glanced up at the trees. I felt the hammock below me, Justin's beating heart beside me, his hand running through my hair, the breeze on my cheeks, and a smile on my face.Thoughts started racing through my head faster than I could keep up as truths were spilled and floated through the air, off the chests of those it had previously clung to. As confused as I was at the time...as confused as I remain... lying there in that hammock made me forget my worries.
I don't think I could pick out a damn thing about that night that I haven't always wanted for my future in Tennessee. I guess life surprises you everyday. I never thought I'd find it tucked away in Naples, Florida. I'm positive that it was a night like the one I experienced that led to the quote, "There's no place like home."
A night like that gives you the feeling of home, and the feeling that there is no place quite as comforting as it.
This just might be the cheesiest comparison I've ever made, but the night felt like my own version of Sweet Home Alabama. (I love that movie, by the way.)
I could have laid in that hammock for the rest of my life, and that would have been okay with me.
The night ended in driving home from the middle of no where in the pitch black. I made Justin stop in the middle of a pitch black intersection, allowing myself an extra few seconds to take in the desolation. Then we went to my house for a while and played with my new kittens before Justin went home and I completely passed out.
Today, I can not think of even one thing I want to do that could be any better than this past weekend has been. Katie is over now and I'm helping her write her essay on partial birth abortion, as I write this blog and cheat traffic school. The family's home, and things are the way it should be. Dad's watching football. Jeff's playing video games. My mom's watching a movie and making dinner.
Oh, and she's making her famous macaroni and cheese, which makes the day even better.
Watching my brother and his friend struggle to make themselves bagel bites also contributed to the mood. The house was filled with the thick odor of burnt cheese and the fans circulated the heavy mephitic smoke above me. It prolonged my smile.
I tried to make a mental list of even every minor detail that has inspired happiness in myself this past weekend. As the list grew longer I lost track and plopped myself onto my living room couch in a haze of bliss. I closed my eyes and I tried to remember my entire Saturday. It was the best I've had in a while, after all...
I woke up around six in the morning to my father turning on my bedroom light. His voice echoed throughout my room as he encouraged me to wake up, and at first all I wanted was to throw the blankets over my head and return to my dreams. My eyes adjusted to the light quickly, however, allowing me to check the time. It was enough to have me remember the day's scheduled events and jump out of bed, eager to begin the day.
Seven in the morning found me on I75, singing to 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' with my dad. We were on our way to pick Justin up from Estero. The car ride there, which I imagined to be quiet and uninteresting, was actually spent singing at the top of our lungs and then laughing at our own stupidity. (My grandma just walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was unexpected but it was cute.)We spent a while looking for Justin in Miromar Lakes after we were given the wrong directions. I think we may have even forgotten him for a few minutes because we rode around in circles admiring the houses, the lakefront, the cabanas...the all around opulence of the community. A call from an anxious Justin returned us to our search for him, and we found him awaiting our arrival from his front yard. He jumped in the car, and after a quick stop at a double drive-thru laned Micky D's, we got back on the interstate. The car ride was fun, but my favorite part had to have been trying to guess the artists of various songs my dad played for us. It helped not only to pass the time by, but also to distract us from the miserable weather which threatened our chances of riding any coasters.
The weather cleared up once we arrived, which brightened my day...literally ;)
okay, that was retarded...
Anyways... It meant that we were positive we'd have the chance to ride rollarcoasters until we were sick. (I did just that too, but you'll hear more about that later.)
At about ten, we entered the park gates with enthusiasm and ran to the Kwazi first of all. The wait lines were 10 minutes or less and so as quickly as we got off the rollar-coaster, we ran around and got back in line to ride again. In fact, we rode just about all of the rollar coasters multiple times within our first hour of arrival: the Kwazi, Sheikra, Kumba, and Montu. We then proceeded to ride them all yet again, as well as to ride the Sky Lift, Rhino Rally (where I was Navigator, as well as the butt of all the drivers jokes, unfortunately), and Cheetah Chase.
Chrissy and Josh even met up with us in the park, and together we rode a few rollar coasters and the Congo River Rapids. ( WHICH LEFT ME UNHAPPY ABOUT WALKING AROUND WITH WET JEANS RUBBING ON THE INSIDES OF MY LEGS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. =P I'm just kidding. It was a lot of fun.) I was especially glad that Chrissy and Josh came along and made a point of mentioning more than a few times to Justin how much I liked them together. A few other highlights of the day include: watching Justin giving a man in a hippo costume an awkward hug, losing my shoes on the Sheikra and having to buy new ones simply because I refused to take them off before the ride, watching an adorable fat little boy scooping up mustard on his finger and licking it off,LOOKING for my itzakadoodlepop popsicle (I looked at every stand we passed, but I never saw them being sold,)a pirates 4D show, listening to Josh and Chrissy's hilarious stories, determining whether or not some lady was a skank outside of work, carnival games and being given a ninja turtle stuffed animal, being given a flower when i got dehydrated and didn't even want to walk, finding belly dancers in the bathroom, watching the cutest old couple I've ever seen dancing to a song playing through the park's speakers, lazy tigers, dancing geckos, and watching geeky kids top J's basketball score.
Around four, I started feeling sick, and although I urged Justin to continue riding roller coasters without me, I still feel bad that he had to miss out on his last hour of fun for my sake. It turns out that I had gotten dehydrated and after 6 hours of the park, I was just getting tired. We gathered up our stuff, and headed to the car after a day very well spent. The walk through the park and to the exit was laconic. Neither of us could focus on much more than returning to the car to sleep on the long ride home.
Thank God for mothers because without her reminder, I wouldn't have even thought to bring extra clothes and I would have spent my ride home wet, cold, and without the comfort of my favorite sweats.
We stopped down the street so I could change, and again an hour later at Sonic.
Oh, and just for the record, Cherry Limeades are disgusting. Do not encourage anybody that attempts to persuade you to try one.
The ride home seemed a lot shorter than the ride there. We didn't get much sleep in either. Instead, we sang the whole ride home too. My dad got started on some oldies, and I watched him intently as he cheefully sang along. Discretely at first, my eyes teared up as I realized why I couldn't take my eyes off him. He seemed like my old, dorky father. The guy that would sing oldies and Disney favorites to me daily. I was so happy that I couldn't hold back any more tears and they rolled down my cheeks for I had little control and could not stop them from doing so.
Afterwards, we dropped Justin off at his house, and the moment I walked into my own house, I took a shower, blow dryed my hair, threw on some clothes and left again for Walgreens. Justin and I met back up in the parking lot and headed out to Felda for his sister's Halloween party.
I don't remember everything about the party because it was late, and I had already been up for so long, but I do remember that it was fun.
I laughed at Justin when he fell in a hole, I made friends with an old drunken man whom was also a Gators fan, I encouraged a man to have another beer so he was able to dance, I sang, I laughed at Justin's sister trying to put on her motorcycle helmet while wasted and dancing, and I invited both his mom and sister to dance on the bars of Sports Page with me this Friday night.
I also laid in a hammock under a couple of tall trees. The sound of coutry music reminded me of home as it whirled through the crisp night air and settled into my pores, sinking to my bones and making even my bone marrow happy. I closed my eyes and I listened to the combination of laughter, cheerful voices, and music pouring from the back porch. I absorbed it all before I opened my eyes and glanced up at the trees. I felt the hammock below me, Justin's beating heart beside me, his hand running through my hair, the breeze on my cheeks, and a smile on my face.Thoughts started racing through my head faster than I could keep up as truths were spilled and floated through the air, off the chests of those it had previously clung to. As confused as I was at the time...as confused as I remain... lying there in that hammock made me forget my worries.
I don't think I could pick out a damn thing about that night that I haven't always wanted for my future in Tennessee. I guess life surprises you everyday. I never thought I'd find it tucked away in Naples, Florida. I'm positive that it was a night like the one I experienced that led to the quote, "There's no place like home."
A night like that gives you the feeling of home, and the feeling that there is no place quite as comforting as it.
This just might be the cheesiest comparison I've ever made, but the night felt like my own version of Sweet Home Alabama. (I love that movie, by the way.)
I could have laid in that hammock for the rest of my life, and that would have been okay with me.
The night ended in driving home from the middle of no where in the pitch black. I made Justin stop in the middle of a pitch black intersection, allowing myself an extra few seconds to take in the desolation. Then we went to my house for a while and played with my new kittens before Justin went home and I completely passed out.
Today, I can not think of even one thing I want to do that could be any better than this past weekend has been. Katie is over now and I'm helping her write her essay on partial birth abortion, as I write this blog and cheat traffic school. The family's home, and things are the way it should be. Dad's watching football. Jeff's playing video games. My mom's watching a movie and making dinner.
Oh, and she's making her famous macaroni and cheese, which makes the day even better.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Tonight The Beatles seem to be offering me advice, "Let It Be."
In a situation such as my own that's easier said than done though.
It frustrates me, but only when I stop to think about it for too long. These past few days it's slipped into mind a few times, but never for more than a few seconds before I tossed it aside to give my full attention to Autumn.
In a situation such as my own that's easier said than done though.
It frustrates me, but only when I stop to think about it for too long. These past few days it's slipped into mind a few times, but never for more than a few seconds before I tossed it aside to give my full attention to Autumn.
Believe
I don't have an honest explanation as to why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do, but I do know that I believe in God, and that he has the best in store for each of us. I believe in myself. I believe in change, even if it's easier said than done.I believe in forgiveness, and so I hand out second chances without thinking twice. I believe in tomorrow, even if it seems impossible to make it through today. I believe that things fall apart so better things can fall into place. I believe in laughing until you pee. I believe in sporting a smile constantly. I believe in opportunity, even if it seems nearly impossible, I'll take a chance. A life lived without hesitations is a life lived well. I believe in true love. I believe in singing at the top of your lungs, in sneaking out, in laying beneath the stars, in dancing without any music, in making a spectacle of yourself...
I believe in life, and living it up.
I believe in life, and living it up.
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